The Princess and the Pauper
by Inudaughter Returns
Summary: When Principal Wartz threatens Helga with suspension for rude behavior, the girl of P.S. 118 hatches a plan to switch identities with another girl for a day. What she discovers is a kingdom outside her castle- a radically different social network that she never knew existed, beyond the "Bold Circle of P.S. 118."
"I'm warning you, young lady!" said Principal Wartz. "If you so much as throw one more spitball in class tomorrow, I'll be forced to suspend you for your continued, rebellious behavior!" The balding, gray-haired man pointed a finger across the room to the hard plastic chair where Helga perched. At this new threat, she gaped.

Suspended?! But she had tickets for Wrestlemania in a few days! If she was suspended, her father would probably ground her for the rest of the week!

"But Principal Wartz!" pleaded Helga.

"Ah, ah! No buts!" said the school principal pointing her out the door. Helga exited the principal's office, then scuffed her white shoe along the floor. Rats.

Everything had gone downhill this week. Harold and just about every rowdy student at P.S. 118 had been particularly obnoxious lately. The fourth month of fifth grade semester was dragging on. Worst of all, Arnold was out sick with the flu. So Helga did not have the opportunity to gaze starstruck at the boy. After a pop quiz and a headache she had snapped in the cafeteria lunchroom. Her old temper had raged out of control. Principal Wartz had seen Helga trip one of the students on purpose as he walked by with a loaded food tray. The Principal had dragged her into his office immediately. Now outside of it, Helga paced, treading an infinity circle on the floor.

"Hm," the girl said scratching her chin as she rationalized. "I don't think I can be flawless! It's just not my nature! So then, I'll be suspended and that means I'll miss Wrestlemania! And I've been holding onto those tickets for months!" Helga's eyes rolled upwards in a tortured lament. Fate was very cruel.

"Alternatively," said Helga, her eyes turning shifty. "I can get sick, too. Or something."

Something else was right because faking sick wouldn't work! Days before when Helga had come down with the real flu, Miriam had sent her off to school with a packet of advil. The consequences had been hilarious. And humiliating. Now, as Helga paced, the bell to bring students back in from their lunch sounded. Students percolated around her in the hallway.

"Hi, Helga!," said Harold standing beside Stinky. "You ready for Wrestlemania! It's going to be awesome!"

"Yeah!" said Stinky. "I reckon just about everyone is going! Even Arnold and Gerald got themselves tickets, this time. I sure am looking forward to us all sitting together and having us a good time. It'd sure be a shame if you'd miss it!  
"It would, Stinky," had been Helga's brief answer. She had kept her fears of missing it to herself.

Helga had to do something about this. But what? Simply behaving nicely was going to be impossible, as worked up as she was about Arnold being out sick! Helga knew herself well enough to know that. But it wasn't until school had ended for the day that Helga found inspiration for her latest, crazy, yet genius scheme.

"Hello! Hello. Would you like some cookies?" the friendly voice of one of the students asked at the bottom of the front steps at P.S. 118. A folding table had been set up close to the reliable stream of students headed towards the bright yellow school bus that was their chariot home. Helga recognized the owner of the voice. It was a girl in another class, with bright blond hair like herself but it was always styled in an old-fashioned, seventies, Mrs. Jetson perm. Helga knew her name to be Gloria. Helga especially disliked Gloria because the girl was creepily similar to herself except improved. The lookalike was so much nicer and so much kinder than Helga. She had fuller hair, soft lips, and her eyebrows were slender and perfect. It cultivated a sort of envy because like Lila, Gloria had a sort of popularity Helga could not reach. It did not help because when Stinky Peterson and Helga had broken off their fake romance, Stinky Peterson had gone straight to Gloria to be a replacement for herself. In Helga's imagination, it was always Gloria that others chose when she disappeared.

Yet, to be fair, Gloria had never done any harm to Helga. And Helga knew also that there was no one, not even Lila, that would behave more saintly than Gloria! Helga considered the physical similarities between the two of them, and the wheels in the head started turning. A plan snapped into her head. It was crazy! A crazy, crazy plan but that is exactly what Helga was known for. The more mad the scheme, the more exhilarating it was anyway. So, drawn to the irresistible stage of a reckless life, Helga strode forward to lean against Gloria's spindly table, her fingers drum rolling against the false, wood-grain patterned plastic.

"Yes? Would you like to buy a cookie?' aske Gloria holding up a platter of confectionary treats. "We're raising money to help homeless stray animals!" Helga smiled her most wicked grin. This was going to be fun!

"Come here!" said Helga dragging Gloria away from her vending stall by one arm. Helga dropped Gloria's arm only when the two had reached a brick wall where traffic was less fierce. A teacher or an eavesdropping student would have to turn a corner to find them.

"Oh my!" said Gloria. "I don't have any lunch money!" she protested.

"That isn't what this is about," said Helga, mildly amused that she had been confused for a lunch-money thief like Ludwig.

"I brought you here because I need your help with something. And I didn't want anyone to overhear. You see, Gloria," said Helga pacing. "I have a proposition for you! One that can be mutually beneficial to both of us. Selling cookies one by one won't net you much money, am I right? Twenty-five cents for all that hard work! And then there's the cost of ingredients!" Helga lamented. Theatrically, she placed the back of the palm of her head across her brow as if grieving.

"Sometimes I get fifty cents for brownies," Gloria said falling into the conversation with her sweet song voice.

"Fifty cents. Right. Well, today's your lucky day, Gloria! I know just how you can get lots of money to help those homeless strays!"

"How do I do that?" Gloria asked, falling into Helga's scheme beautifully. Helga clapped her hand on Gloria's shoulder.

"I'll donate twenty, no twenty-five dollars to your cause, Gloria!" Helga bargained shrewdly. "In return you help me with a little problem of mine. You see, I need to be on my very best behavior tomorrow! So, to make that possible, you dress up as me for the day! Of course, that means I will dress up as you. Oh, don't worry, I won't do anything bad! Not deliberately," Helga added under her breath before raising her voice again. "I just want you to make me look good so I don't get suspended."

"I don't know," said Gloria trying to shuffle away. But Helga blocked off her escape route like a hungry animal.

"I'm asking you do this for me out of... human kindness!" Helga pleaded, shrewdly playing on Gloria's good nature. The girl was as sweet as a marshmallow all the way though, and just as malleable.

"Well, I don't know," said Gloria sounding less adverse to Helga's scheme. "You are friends with my friend Lila, aren't you?" Gloria said deep in thought. Helga nodded her head up and down rapidly, although it was a bit of a stretch to call her and Lila 'friends'. More like rivals with a truce between them, allies at times and foes the next!

"Just what do you want me to do?" asked Gloria. Helga's grin grew a tad less wicked in nature. She lay a hand on Gloria's back.

"Well, you just need to wear the same clothes I do and wear the your hair the same way! Don't worry, I'll give you all the stuff that you need! If anyone asks you!" said Helga lecturing. "You tell them your name is Helga! Not Gloria! It doesn't really matter that they don't believe you! Just keep saying that until the day is over! Then we'll meet up and I'll give you the twenty-five bucks for your charity gig."

"But… that would be a lie!" gasped Gloria. Helga rolled her eyes.

"Look, Miss Mary Sunshine! Do you want that twenty-five dollars or don't you? You would be saving me from the poor, sad horrible fate of being exiled from our dear, fine academic institution of P.S. 118! Plus, think of all those kittens you could be saving with that money!"

"Well, okay," said Gloria. Helga smiled wanly. She had done it! She had corrupted the incorruptible! Maybe she and Gloria could get along after all!

"Step this way, my friend!" she said. Helga sat down on a school bench alongside the brick wall next to the door that let kids in and out from recess. There was a lot to know about being Helga!

"And don't look at Rhonda's fashion notebook, no matter how much she hints she wants you to!" said Helga explained wholeheartedly. "I would never do that! And don't under any circumstances, get cozy with my best friend, Phoebe! Ya got that? Good! I guess that's everything! It will be good working with you Gloria!" said Helga standing up and shaking the girl's hand. But she did not let go.

"There's just one last little thing!" Helga's grin stretched into a wicked smile.

Many minutes later, Helga had switched Gloria's tank top for her white T-shirt. Gloria's perm had been flattened into pigtails. Helga had transformed Gloria into an odd replica of herself! She circled Gloria, examining her handiwork and scratching her chin.

"Hm. Well, it's a lucky thing you wear the same dress I do! Same brand, too! I think you'll pass for me for a day! Well, good luck Gloria!" said Helga with a saucy wink, a snap, and a thumb's up. "Now remember! When you wake up tomorrow morning, you'll be Helga G. Pataki! Now I'd better go!" Helga grasped hold of the low chain link fence to vault over it, then scampered off.

It was not like Helga had absolute confidence in her plan. A million things could go wrong! But now, she began to actually be interested in what it would like to be Gloria. There would be a different classroom with a different teacher, and all sorts of kids she knew a lot less. What was Gloria's desk like? Who was her favorite crush? With a jolt, Helga realized something all of a sudden. It was Stinky Peterson! Helga would have to fool not just Gloria's class, but her old ex-boyfriend, too!

"Oh, crud!" Helga complained miserably as the energy was sucked out of her. Her arms dragged. "This is going to be harder than I thought!"

But the thought of going to Wrestlemania with Arnold kept Helga's ambition afloat. The next day, Helga took an unusual route, arriving extra early. As a prop, she kept a book of kittens pressed against her chest. Helga had groomed her eyebrows a bit and lowered some of her bangs to hide its unibrow. Most importantly, instead of her pigtails, she had bunched her locks up into a perm, although it still looked a lot more wind-tossed than Gloria's. Helga hid against a the same brick wall where she had corned Gloria yesterday. She took a deep breath, then threw a candy drop into her mouth

"Alright, Helga old girl!" Helga encouraged herself, calming her nerves. "Show time!"

Prancing happily like she was off to pet some unicorns, Helga bounced into the school. Curly and Harold stared across the school lot at her, for not even Gloria walked that absurdly! But Helga was ignorant of the attention she was drawing to herself. She turned away from her classroom to the one across the hall from it. That gross little boy with his box of worms, Billy, was in Gloria's class apparently. Helga looked around for a likely desk. There was one with a perfectly polished top by the sunny window. Helga opened it up and found perfectly lined pencils, flower stickers, a bag of cookies, and a dish of potpourri. This had to be Gloria's desk! Helga folded her hands neatly and tried to remain calm as 'her' classmates filed in.

"Gloria!" said Peapod mistaking Helga for Gloria, as planned. "I've invited Park over for an afternoon tea party at the treehouse. Would you like to come, too? You could bring some of your gingersnaps!" Helga coughed, then threw a candy drop into her mouth.

"Oh, ah," she said swishing her eyes back and forth. "I… can't. I have plans for that afternoon! But thank you!"

"Ah, yes!" said Peapod rubbing his chin in thought. "You have book study with Lila and Katrina on Fridays, don't you?" Park ambled up and snapped his fingers.

"Aw, shucks! Well, we'll all have to get together another time!"

"Yes, yes. Definitely, definitely!" mumbled Peapod sitting down in his chair behind Helga. She tensed. Then the teacher filed into the room. It was an old woman, almost as short as Ernie and dressed as sharply as a lawyer. Instead of chalk, she whipped out a pointer stick.

"Alright, class!" she said pulling down a map. "Turn in all of your NON-FICTION stories in a pile there in the inbox at the back! No names, no credit! We will now pick a country for our next project on journalism! Remember, there is no place for imagination in this classroom!" Helga shrinked. Already, she was messing up! She didn't have Gloria's homework assignment to turn in!

Meanwhile, across the hall, Gloria had just sat down at Helga's desk. She opened it up to find a Mr. Fudgy candy bar in it, a sling shot, a rubber band ball, a peashooter, and a bunch of doodles of people with x-'s instead of eyes. Gloria rapidly closed the the desk again. She quietly studied the board while people filed in. One of the first was Gerald.

"Hm," the boy said his eyes squinting a little he examined Helga from a very far and safe distance. "Did something happen to your hair... Helga?" Gloria stared back at Gerald, innocent and empty of anger.

"Good morning, er, classmate!" Gloria said, not knowing Gerald's name. With a flinch, Gerald, sat down at his desk, wondering. Helga was being weird today. Soon Phoebe filed in. She perched in the desk behind Gerald's and smiled at 'Helga'.

"Helga!" Phoebe began. "You'll be happy to hear I've taken updated notes on all the locker combinations in hall three! We can begin planning operation, April Fool's Day's soon! Of course, it's only November, so we have many months to prepare, but now we have ample time to make fake love letters to lure people to our 'ultimate surprise'!" said Phoebe. She covered her hand with her mouth and giggled mischievously. Gerald leaned over his armrest.

"Now sweetheart, you aren't going to send me one of these love letters, are you?" Gerald asked suavely. Phoebe blushed.

"Oh! No! Of course not Gerald! If I sent you a l...la...love letter!" Phoebe forced out with much stumbling. "It wouldn't be like that! We can ask Helga! Maybe she can let you in on next year's joke!" Phoebe looked at Helga expectantly. But it was Gloria, and Gloria had no idea what Phoebe was talking about.

"Well… I'll have to think about it!" said Gloria. "I would like to make all of you happy!" She cuddled her hands involuntarily in front of her and Phoebe stared, stunned.

"Helga… um, are you feeling alright?"

"Never better!" said Gloria wearing an innocent look. And no rage. Even when someone in the back row threw a spitwad at her. Gerald and Phoebe stared at one another, both equally convinced. Something was terribly wrong with Helga.

"Helga, babe," said Gerald softly. Kindly. "Now I don't want you to take this the wrong way or nothin' but did you hit your head on the way here?" Gloria stared.

"No, of course not, Arnold!" she said. Gerald twitched.

"Arnold? Who are you talking to? I'm Gerald!"

"Oh, of course not, classmate!" Gloria quickly amended. Phoebe covered her frowning mouth with horror. Something was definitely wrong with Helga.

"Phoebe," Gerald said twisting around and whispering to Phoebe with his hand raised to block the whisper. "Maybe you had better take Helga to the nurse!" Phoebe nodded. But just then, who should walk in the door but Arnold! The blond-haired boy strolled in the door, wearing a blue sweatshirt over an untucked red flannel shirt as always.

"Hey, Arnold! My man!" Gerald sat sitting up to stare at the newcomer. "I thought you were still out sick with the flu!" Arnold gave a gentle cough into his hand.

"I was, but I'm feeling a lot better today," said Arnold. "I got a good night's sleep." Out of habit, Arnold twisted his head around to look at the girl in the desk directly behind him. His eyes widened immediately.

"Gloria?" he said walking two steps nearer. Gloria tried to keep the soft smile on her face, but it puckered into a sad little frown. It turned into a small, weak, breathless laugh. "I'm not supposed to be Gloria! I'm Helga!" the girl said. Arnold frowned, deeply.

"But you are Gloria, aren't you? Where's Helga?"

"Why, at school of course!" Arnold coughed into his hand and sat down at his desk. He placed a hand over his head.

"Maybe I'm still sicker than I thought!" But he kept turning around to stare at Gloria.

Across the hallway, Helga was suffering being partnered with red-headed troop leader of the Campfire Lasses. She was such a die-hard that she even wore her troop uniform to school. Helga was petrified. The last time she had dealt with this girl, she had beaten her up and stolen her uniform, only to have this red-head sick the entire Campfire Lass troop on her. Helga had barely escaped that incident with her life. If she found out that she was now impersonating Gloria, there was bound to be trouble!

"Your turn!" said Campfire Lass in a heavy, fake Irish accent. Helga looked down at their geography project. "Hm," she wrote in a bunch of words on the puzzle and crossed the clues off the list. Campfire Lass looked down approvingly.

"You're pretty good at this!"

"Well, duh…. I mean yeah! I'm good at this!" said Helga. "I get pretty good scores in geography!"

"Hm, I thought that was your worst subject?" mused Campfire Lass. Helga almost slapped her head. The bell rang.

"Alright! Gym class!" said Campfire Lass happily. "Let's go!" With extra zeal, she jogged ahead of Helga pretending to be Gloria. They made it to the gym and the gym teacher lined them up single file. As the gym instructor walked down along the line of students for inspection, he did a double-take in front of 'Gloria'.

"Hm," their instructor said to himself. Gloria had suddenly developed muscles overnight. She was gloriously athletic.

"Gloria!" he said passing the ball to Helga and she caught it automatically. There was an instant inrush of "oooh!" all around her. Helga blinked and looked around her at her awestruck class.

"Gloria caught it! She actually caught it!" one of the boys screamed.

"Ah, oops! Heh, heh!" said Helga. After that, she had to spend all of gym class pretending not to be able to catch a ball. She had dodge and balance on her tiptoes to do that. The bell rang, and then Arnold's class filed in. Gloria walked in the door moments after Helga walked out!

"Okay!" said Arnold feeling rather irritated. He just knew that the girl in front of him couldn't be Helga, and he was going to prove it. So when the gym instructor lined them all up for basketball practice, he paired up with 'Helga' instead of Gerald on purpose. Posing the basketball in front of him, the boy shot it out in a rapid pass that only skilled players could catch. It hit Gloria in the nose immediately.

"Ow!" Gloria said laying back on a gym mat. Arnold gave her a fresh bag of ice from a cooler.

"I'm sorry. Do you want to go to the nurse's office?"

"Well. Okay!" said Gloria. Arnold grimaced. He knew that it was another sign that this girl simply wasn't Helga.

"Thank you so much for walking me, kind boy!" said Arnold. His eyes widened, then lowered.

"Sure. Well, HELGA, since we are friends don't forget we have baseball practice at Gerald's field after school today. I'll walk you there, if you like."

"Should I bring snacks? I could bring some cookies," Gloria asked blindly. Arnold stared.

"No, no thank you. Well, see you back in class." With a look of irritation, he shut the door to the nurse's office fast.

The last school bell rang and Gloria stood up from her school desk at last. She had an enormous stack of prim notes which she tucked, thoughtfully, into Helga's desk. Then she polished it with a rag from a small tin in her pocket until it was gleaming. Arnold watched, his eyes narrowed and a hand at his waist at the door for Gloria to finish.

"Coming?" the boy said. "Why, yes!" said Gloria, amiably.

Across the hallway, Helga waited until long after her real classmates had poured out their classroom door for the bus- just in case. Then she exited the door only for Lila to show up. The brown pig-tailed girl Katrinka boxed Helga in from behind. She was trapped.

"Gloria!" said Lila holding up her hand as if she were a model posing. "Don't forget! Today we all go over to your house for book study!"

"Why, er, yes!" said Helga quaking. "My house! You know, why don't you and Katrinka walk ahead of me! I think I might have twisted my ankle or something. I need to go slow!"

Helga followed, more or less, Lila and Katrinka to Gloria's house. Katrinka seemed completely blind to her ruse. But Lila was not. At one point along the crosswalk, the freckled girl gave Helga a saucy wink. She knew!

"Just the same," said Lila completing Helga's thoughts for her. "I'm looking forward ever so much to tasting some of the yummy cooking your mother makes!" she slapped her hands together in delight. Then she pointed ahead.

"Ah!" Lila cooed. "If it isn't your little brother, Danny!"

Helga stared. Up ahead was a whiny, snot-nosed brat. And its mother. Gloria's mom looked almost exactly the same as the daughter. She held a big mixing bowl full of cookie dough in her arms.

"Come in dear!" she said. "We were just about to bake the snacks!"

"Er," said Helga, oddly horrified to be mistaken by this woman for her daughter.

"Danny! Danny, boy! Where are you!" the woman hollered even though the boy was right at her feet.

"Right here, mom!" screamed the boy and Helga rolled her eyes as the woman picked up the child and walked with him into the house. Helga followed reluctantly inside and followed Lila and Katrinka into 'her' or rather Gloria's room. It was wallpapered with angels.

"So," said Lila cracking open a book. "My class has a text next week. How about you?"

"Oh, ah, I?" Helga floundered, then looked to Katrinka.

"We have a test, next week, too! I need help with math problems. Please help with them, Lila! You're so smart!"

"Tsk. Of course!" said Lila rolling her eyes upwards as she soaked in the flattery. "I'd be ever so glad to help you! But I'm curious. Did something ever so interesting happen in class today… Gloria?" Lila said her eyes half shut as they examined Helga. It was reconfirmed to Helga. She knew!

"Hehehe. Nothing at all!" said Helga pulling a book up in front of her nose. But Lila rolled her eyes mischievously in another direction.

"Well, I know something! Something about the 'Bold Circle'!"

"Oooh, wow!" said Katrinka snuggling up closer to Lila. Helga blinked.

"What's the 'Bold Circle?'"

"You know," said Lila coyly. "The Bold Circle of P.S. 118. They got that name because the leader of their little group, Gerald Johanssen, was class president in fourth grade. He liked to go around saying to his friend that he was a 'bold kid'. And he was. That Arnold Shortman. And his friend the genius, Phoebe Heyerdahl. And of course," said Lila nearly shutting her eyelids coyly, "the bully, Helga Pataki."

"Bully? Nah, you've got it all wrong!" Helga protested. "She's no bully!"

"Well…" said Lila rolling her eyes. "Not any more! Helga has softened up and is a lot nicer these days to people, I suppose, but she is still known as a tough girl. And of course Arnold, is a tough boy."

"Arnold?" Helga scoffed. "Him? Tough?! You've got to be joking!" She kept her book shut, so wrapped up in what Lila was saying for pretending. Katrinka watched her in confusion.

"Oh, I'm not joking about him being tough!" said Lila shaking her delicate braids. "There are rumors, from before I transferred here, course, that he skipped school to ride on a motorcycle once! And he nearly started a riot in the summer when he was angry with the Jolly Olly man. I know Arnold personally and to be ever so honest, I think he's a sweet boy but at times he's ever so scary."

"Arnold?!" Helga shouted in shock. "Him? SCARY?!"

"Well, of course he is to me," said Lila, her coy look returning. "And to Gloria…. HELGA!" Helga stood up.

"How did you know it was me?!"

"Oh, well you and I are friends, aren't we? I know a little bit about you!"

"Hm," said Helga scratching her chin. She shrugged. "Ah, well, the jig is up! What now?"

"Well," said Lila rolling her eyes with pleasure. "We can continue our book study until Gloria comes home!" Helga smiled at Lila and held up her book.

"Well, I'm game! But I'm really surprised by all you said! About Arnold."

"Ah, well," said Lila giving Helga a wink. "You can trust me, Helga. I've been watching the two of you for a long time and I've just got to say, the two of you have more in common than you think!" Helga and Lila shared a smile that was real.

A mile down the street, a bat cracked a baseball overhead. Arnold Shortman was in left field. Mitt held high to catch a flying baseball, Arnold walked backwards, then backwards until he heard a terrified eep behind him. Arnold swerved to a stop and then nearly fell as he jostled into a figure standing behind him.

"You see me coming and you don't even move?!" the boy muttered out to Gloria. "Besides, what are you doing here? This is left field. Not right field!" The girl rolled her eyes around in discomfort. If it had been Helga, the girl would have ripped into him for what he said.

"I wonder. When do we have half time for snack break?"

"Alright, that does it!" said Arnold ripping off his leather baseball glove and tossing it to the ground with a solid flop. "Gloria," he said forcing himself to speak as calmly as he could. "Why are you pretending to be Helga? And where can I find Helga?" Gloria blinked and her face fell.

"Oh! I should have known you wouldn't believe I'm really Helga."

"No. You're a really bad liar," said Arnold, unflinching. "Now where is Helga?"

"Oh! She's probably at my house with my friends. We had a playdate together!"

"A playdate?" said Arnold rolling his eyes. What was Gloria a pre-schooler or something?

"Okay," said Arnold. "I'll walk you home, then. But can you tell me one thing? Why were you impersonating Helga?"

"Oh! She asked me to!" said Gloria. "She was going to be suspended so she asked me to 'be her' and be nice for a while."

"Suspended?" Arnold tested with his tongue as he mulled over this development. "Well, I guess that makes sense. For Helga." Arnold marched as quickly as he was able down the street, following Gloria's directions.

"My family lives here!" said Gloria, proudly.

"Great," Arnold said his eyes opening wide. Gloria's father was the local pastor and chances are, would recognize him. Arnold walked up to the door of the house and pounded on it rapidly with his fist.

"Hello?" said the voice of a woman. She opened the door and as it widened, Helga rushed over from within.

"Arnold!" Helga declared. The relief in her voice was enormous. "What are you doing here?"

"Walking home Gloria," Arnold said with his most annoyed tone.

"Wait a minute. What? Gloria?!" said Helga bristling as her eyebrow lifted. "What are you doing walking…. GLORIA home?"

"There's no need to get jealous, Helga," said Arnold countering Helga. "It's not like it was a romantic tryst or anything."

"I'm not jealous!" Helga flustered. She crossed her arms as she stood in the door. But Gloria's father observed the two from behind Helga in the door. At first he blinked, but then he smiled at the two as they quarreled.

"Well, hello Arnold! I haven't seen you and your Grandma for a long time. Coming to next week's sermon?"

"Er, maybe!" said Arnold preparing to run for his life. Earlier in his life he had sat through several sermons with his Grandmother. Arnold had found them long boring and he had daydreamed through them. (A reference to the Peewee Herman shorts.)

"Welcome home, Gloria," he said to his daughter outside. "Thank you for taking care of my daughter, young man."

"No problem," said Arnold, his eyes flat because it really had been a problem for him to tolerate the girl.

"Well, that's great, Football-Head!" said Helga surprisingly rushing forward to link her arm with Arnold as Gloria stepped inside. "Thank you for coming to rescue me from that dull scene!"

"You're welcome, Helga," said Arnold, keeping his arm linked with Helga's as they walked forward onto the sidewalk and away from the house.

"So how was Gloria?" Helga asked him, a sly smile slipping across her lips as she spoke. Arnold grimaced.

"I tell you, Stinky can keep her!" Arnold lamented his day, his arm linked with Helga's still. "Do you want to go to Slaussen's to get a rootbeer float?"

"Sure, thing, Football-Head!" Helga answered joyously as the two youth kept walking in the same direction. The end.


End file.
